I’m done this year

There’s a lot that has happened.. some of it isn’t mine to share. But just know that I feel weights off my shoulders, so does D. We’re still together, promise.

School is pressing, but I’m trying my best.

D and I are doing well, he didn’t get anything for my birthday.. except to take me to see the midnight 3D premiere of Hotel Transylvania at the last moment and to say that he’ll take me to see Breaking Dawn Part 2 in about a month. But that’s not okay.. I haven’t received an actual gift since my 17th nor jewelry since our first year together…

almost 4 years ago. I know he thinks I’m worth it but he doesn’t show it.. And that hurts. Instead he spent his big check on his bills (which he should have) but the last 100-200 dollars was spent on drugs, cigarettes, gas and a $30 yo-yo for himself. He indulged on himself for my birthday. Wow. Ouch.

I can’t tell him that I’m upset. It won’t fix anything and he’ll feel even worse. We spent the midnight hour into my birthday talking about him breaking down, him upset over work and life and how he didn’t get me anything. And me upset, without telling him, that once again I was painstakingly right about not seeing anything for my birthday for the second year in a row.

I can’t even remember the last Christmas or Valentine’s Day he got me something. Am I really not that important as to be shown I am? One year he got all his friends and his family a card for Christmas, but NOTHING for me. I brush it off in front of him, when inside I’m crying and my heart is hurting. But how do you tell your boyfriend of almost 5 years that he’s hurting you every holiday. I don’t look forward to them, I spoil him with stuff and I get nothing in return. I’m done this year.